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Question; Are Our Feelings Different From Average People? - Update

edited September 2019 in General Discussion
I'm asking this because I've recently been using the word "feeling" in conversations, and I am astounded at how many people can't seem to relate and I get the strangest looks and reactions from those who are not so familiar at all. This is something new to me, I often feel awkward. I never had this challenge so upfront in my career as an artist. It seems that the unfamiliar want to dismiss, or shy away while recognizing something that is out of their field. I've just never been so aware and sensitive to the issue. Anyone else experience this?


  • @Forgiveness - good question, depends in what context - I have just been to see a friends son who was badly burnt in a BBQ accident and I asked how he was feeling, and he replied "I can not" and we all fell about laughing, broke the Ice, I went there to share my story of being burnt some 30 years ago in an Industrial accident, not many burns victims (thankfully) in Hawaii, in fact only 7 beds in the burns unit.

    And are you saying that Artists are more open to feelings than average people ? - and I thin we are all average, all born equal to start with.

    Good topic, Mr F
  • edited August 2019
    My apologies for being previously vague.
     For instance, I sit close next to my studio window close to street level, the unexpected comes along and at other times I get an unexpected loud knock on my door from a vistor. I most often get startled and distracted while I am absorbed in my work, can be frustrating and even upsetting. So, my feelings get startled, a few people I spoke to cannot relate. I'm sensitive (good quality to have). Bottom line is I don't know how to deal with this and keep myself comfortable in the studio, this is the key. And I feel a need to resolve this 'cause it is painful to work this way. I have tried setting healthy boundaries with a few people concerned but to no avail. There has to be a better way for me somehow, I feel. No one is perfect of course. It's just a real challenge to my sense of comfort at times, too often. I am committed to finding a resolve. Thank you.
  • @dencal has some great suggestions.  Have you taken the Meyers briggs test?  I am off the chart ENFP  - everything I do is by feeling so yes, people don't get it when my decisions are feeling based but I don't get it when people don't even know how they feel about something - not to sound so sexist but I find men answer better "what do you think about that?" than "How do you feel about that?"  -  they know what they think usually instantly....  I know what I feel instantly.    I think the test may be interesting for you
  • PaulBPaulB mod
    I don't like interruptions or noise. I am only guaranteed quiet time after 9pm, so that's when I paint.

    I'm guessing your quiet time is not really quiet time, it's just time that is usually quiet, and unfortunately not always quiet.

    How about moving further from the window, and maybe running a sound maker, white noise or (like me) synthetic jungle noises. For some reason, screeching monkeys don't distract me as much as car doors, trains and aircraft.
  • Maybe hang a "WET PAINT" Sign on your door, when you need "me time"  - and its kinda true,..
  • I totally empathize with you.  I can never paint without  multiple interruptions from family.  The cows are out of the pasture, come work the brake pedal while I bleed the breaks and of course, I'm hungry.  How I ever get anything done is beyond me.  Good luck with your interruptions.  I know you need it.
  • edited August 2019
    Thank you all so much for being there! These are quality answers that I resonate quite well with.

    @dencal , Yes I agree with your every suggestion and already been working on it, I promise not to become a hermit, so unfair to myself and for such wonderful people around me here to do so. Also been witness to hermits first hand, it's not for me and my friends. I will learn techniques for ending conversations more positively, already have many stored in my memory and been practicing by recall. I'm also open to learn new ones that would better apply in today's environment. Been wishing many good luck everywhere I can, daily, they have been so very appreciative and present.  -Mark

    @Julianna, thanks so very much I will take this test within the next couple of days. You have me very interested now! - Mark.

    @PaulB, I am so fortunate to have this in common with you! For the past 3 days I have been playing the sound of adults crying and also going to sleep with it. This has been the most successful with me and with everyone around me! The best therapy for this period for now. I have a huge library of sound effects for every occasion, no stone unturned and a sound editing program been working with for years. Also have industrial type sounds (environmental meditation from Italy) that no one else can stand but me and I love and it happens to be real meditation! And can do moving my work area away from the window no worries. Btw lately, often my painting sessions begin around midnight or at 3:00AM.  -Mark

    @Richard_P beauty! you are so funny and so real too.LOL! Thank you.

    Thanks everyone for your compassion! It seems an incredible new life beginning for me yet again! Looking forward one day at a time. What an adventure!  -Mark
  • edited August 2019
                                                                                                                                                                 It stands 3 1/2 inches tall

     I first came to this site nearly 3 years ago, with a "secret wish": not only to learn oil painting from well trusted people but also how do I heal my broken heart?
     Shortly after arriving here, I found this toy in the trash (as I felt I was in the trash at times) that I found myself attracted to. I repainted the new logo on the white disc. This is a wind-up toy that does a magnificent dance where the head bobs, the arms move from side to side, the hips move as in a dance and the legs do the rest.
     Every once in a while I will wind it up and make it dance to remind myself of my mission and my commitment to it and how to approach the challenge with a great attitude and persevere. The character does not have a name, anonymous. It helped make me smile and laugh, and try to keep things light while on my path. This helped me to find what I have been looking for all along.
    I hope you enjoy this as much or even more than I do, Lol!

    I will return when I complete the test suggested above from Julianna some time today.
    Thanks so much have a great one and happy painting!
  • edited August 2019
    @Julianna Thank you so much for your reference, so far it turns out I am of the rarest type, INFJ.
     I also purchased and downloaded the INFJ-INFP Type Clarifier for further consideration and study and for practical life application. This is the best that I have come across in many years! I sincerely hope to experience much more happiness and many more fine relationships to come. I am so fortunate to know first hand that growing up and being well, never ends! This is an incredible breakthrough for me and looking forward to make the best of this and many more years of happy painting daily.
     I'm also seriously considering and inquiring joining the local Toastmasters Club where I live to take up public speaking once again. But they meet at 8:00AM! not exactly my time for such things in public time Lol! but I am willing and daring myself to go ahead at some point soon.

    - Mark.
  • People are completely disconnected from art and most even don't know how to even 'feel'...they just do whatever they've been told to do and that's the standard. If I just try to share some of my ideas then they become restless as if there's something wrong.

    People don't seem to understand that I need some extra space. I paint outdoors often and most of the time it becomes disturbing to see people trying to have some fun and see what's going on here (with exceptions of course). Ignorance is not so easy every time. Musicians and movie people are cool folks. Artists and writers are stupid folks. 

    Artists are sensitive people that's how they are. That's why they react when others don't. Their happiness/sadness/fears are more than others. I am fortunate enough to have my wife's family and my wife and my other relatives who understand this otherwise it would have been a similar case like Van Gogh!  :s
  • edited August 2019
    At this moment I'm quite similar to VG and will certainly do my best to change this as a priority while I can.
  • edited August 2019
    On a serious note, it may be a generalisation but I do think that those who are artistic are more in touch with feelings and sensitivity.

    However, working in mental health has helped me understand perhaps why some appear not to be in touch with their feelings. There could be many and varying reasons. Some examples that spring to mind are early trauma which can make a person disassociate as a form of coping mechanism.

    The wonderful thing about art is that it can help some of those people to reconnect in some way with their feelings.

    @Forgiveness, I hope I have not gone off topic with with the thread there, or indeed lost the thread.
  • edited August 2019
    @MichaelD I agree, one of major obstacles is dealing with a majority who are living on self esteem and self confidence based on having an employer such as ie: government office work, as opposed to those such as ie: me, who work for themselves, self employed. There is a big difference in this distinction. Those who work for themselves seem to have a healthier and greater sense of this, because we have to rely on our self so much more, which brings us or forces us to dig deeper within, this is very hard but very good work. I'm recently new at working with this concept and awareness as opposed to those who are more resigned and say that I was born in the wrong time period and in a wrong city for a such quality person as I. So it appears that I really have to work harder at what I do and learn to better accept this and move on ahead. Thank you for your response, much appreciated! 

    Btw, artists in general are not treated as being as important nor as valueable as your average office worker. The Group of Seven Artists left their city in disgust because of this. The Group left from here with an attitude that basically said "we'll show them just how wrong the majority is, we'll prove them wrong", but then they also had enough money from one of the individuals to help support them in their new journey which they as a group created for themselves. I simply don't have that option in my own position, otherwise I would have left here as well, my work has to be done right here in the middle of the fire of insanity, and make it, or not and be like cool water. Lol! - Mark
  • @Forgiveness I agree, though, as I'm sure you know, working for yourself has its trickiness (I was an acupuncturist ten years ago before going into mental health). But yes the autonomy of working for yourself and steering your own ship rather than those you work for is very empowering.

    I see parallels of what you are saying above to my experience at school. Art was the only thing I was good at and enjoyed at school, everything else I had no interest in and it seemed meaningless. The structure of teaching a huge amount of pupils on mass gives no room or allowance for individual minds. Much like I imagine working for a big corporation, or many everyday mundane jobs. Which I'm not knocking by the way, there are plenty of folk attracted to the mundane to fill those posts.

    Art spoke to me because I could truly make it mine, I wasn't being expected to digest a `fact` or a version of history or repeat a times table by rote.

    I recall the bliss of drawing a flower that was in front of us for our art class.
  • edited August 2019
    Nearly 20 years ago the discouragement and sense of disempowerment made me give up until I was introduced to Mark C. and his yt videos in 2012, watching and listening to him carefully for over a year through a friend that I had then who gave up on himself. And I had to train myself to use the computer (a nearly new laptop, a top brand) which I luckily found in the trash in perfect working order, and learn to make it my own. Once I had gained enough working confidence with it and using the internet, I introduced myself to this site, and had to gain confidence to remain here. And I had to keep at it until a sense of enjoyment and fun came back to me only recently in my latest painting. Everyone's support here along with my sense of perseverance has shown me a new painter within me that I feel quite satisfied with to continue to develop and grow, in turn has made me a better artist, much more confident than I used to feel. I have been a consistent developing natural artist since age 2 and always carried a metaphysical and philosophical element with it all.
     Thank you again @MichaelD for a pleasureable and informative, supportive conversation! Btw, I too used to work in a government office long term with very important high ranking individuals, but had to give up important parts that make me up as a whole and complete individual that was killing me inside and of course appearing outside of me, everyone around me knowing it and couldn't bare it. Same for everywhere else I worked thereafter, until I made my break. I too wanted to become part of the mental health community but obviously did not come to fruition after all. Here I am today, nearly happy but quite satisfied in my own boat along with good work and little pay without any further advancement. The cost of living here is at a truly insane level and growing. I'm also living what is termed as "a great life" for those who understand what this really means, basically I owe no one, nor any business anything, living by straight rules, great ethics and being true to myself.
  • edited August 2019
    @Forgiveness, thats great. And the rewards for all that effort and pushing yourself are the wonderful works you paint now.

    Anything worth getting is not gained easily.

    And thank you too for the discussion.


  • edited August 2019
    A parting shot here, a quote from many great artists; "if and when you find yourself alone enough and quiet inside, you will find God, the only thing to find without a doubt."
  • @Forgiveness I find your post so consoling and insightful. Thank you for posting this. 
    I had participated for only the second time in a plein air event this summer and this time I decided to paint right in the city. I was interrupted so many times I never finished my work. While disappointing, it gave me much needed insight. And that is where this post comes in.

    The only paintings I have really valued are the ones I've been able to go "deep" into.. lost in time. My parish priest who is a dear friend told me, "oh, please keep painting, you are joining in the creative process which is God"... there certainly is a transformative aspect to it, for me at least.

    Lastly, while I have little opportunity to paint or post much anymore, I feel the same way about discovering Mark Carder's website and this discussion board. I hadn't done anything artistic for almost 20 years. This brought me out of that and helped me get back in touch with my creative muse. I am extremely grateful for that.

    Wishing you peace to paint.
  • Thank you so much @Renoir, real happy for you! Who could have known that by risking ourselves once again by inspiration that we would arrive here. What an incredible and wonderful adventure! Congrats!
  • edited August 2019
    @alsart, maybe that should be "CAUTION Wet Paint", lol! I would add same to MichealID's as well, CAUTION, I am awake please respect etc. Lol!
  • I don't have a clue as to what might be helpful to you. My wife and I didn't have children until I was forty and pretty set in my routines for working after hours. Spending time with my daughter (giving my wife a break) became part of my evening routine and I made the adjustments. But then she learned to walk and talk and I couldn't adjust any more except to wait till she went to sleep. That cut MY time down to about an hour and a half. Actually more because I had already adjusted by staying up later which cut into my sleep time. I guess the point is we all have to figure out how to adjust to things and keep in mind that, as with my daughters, making the adjustments is worthwhile.
  • edited September 2019
    That's so nice of you @BOB73 and everyone, thank you. I am glad to be such a nice and good person as I, who likes to give others a break where they need it and do that real well. I've been enjoying my time meeting new people, some that I'm already a bit familiar with and just letting all that in for serious consideration, it's important that we get along well, trust here is of most importanc. They certainly know how to recognize a good person in me that could possibly help them out, that's very good. Children are great, little girls like me the best, unbelievable just how quickly we get along and how quickly and very much attatched they become, it's quite an incredible thing! With little boys not so easily, may have something to do with different kind of upbringing that I experienced as a little boy, quite different than most, so a little more challenging for my not being so familiar as other men may be with little boys. But most important of all is our sense of the quality of our participation while together. Children love to play, and really appreciate a good and strong, reliable connection and that someone that they like is just there for them and support them to feel important and wanted.
     Some my main concerns are with my studio not being a safe environment for a child to visit and be free to roam and play safely. There are an assortment of electrical cords about, extention cords, computer hook up wires, and speaker wires laid out randomly throughout. Then there is the furniture layout that would need new organization. I love animals but I suffer with serious allergies and get ill, which I don't like to lead onto, I try to hide it, and always regret it too much later.
     My biggest concerns are around losing out in my own home and studio when I am alone again. I fear my neighbors getting carried away in their fun and enjoyment that may spill over that brings harm and or damage to me and my space. I just cannot bare this in any way. I have great difficulty trusting this while I am away, I need to feel that safety and security, and no losses, no more broken things, this is not ok with me! This is a frail old building with little insulation, and I value quality time quite a lot, wether I am with visitors or alone. Many accidents that occur are most often caused from sheer stupidity, ignorance and lack of responsibility.
     Last thing is I am new at oil painting, I am not quite broken in yet but very close, I am new and fresh at being in my saddle once again, my sense of passion is fresh on returning to me as well as a healthy momentum going on in relation to painting according to my more personal habits. I fear losing this again through too much interference too soon at this time. My painting schedule is not solid, not secured already, not just yet, I feel insecure in this area and uncomfortable. Painting is not my only artistic endeavor, I have other things worthwhile pursuing and need further developing as well. Effective management over my affairs are important, this helps me to be more supportive with others who are with me.
     I really appreciate your kindness and generous support! Looking forward!
  • edited September 2019
    I have been enjoying reading and studying the materials concerning INFJ types in order to determine my type more specifically, I'm getting down to the wire. I am about to take the second test (is more extensive) that I have available any day now. This will help me better understand myself and my relations with others around me, and become more effective and efficient. There is much more to learn and discover there, specifically with respect to the many differences in personality types and learning to better get along. Being sensitive in this area is a great asset! I will be learning the differences between the INFJ-INFP types. This may take a little time to get more familiar, this is a great asset too. I do have much experience with somewhat similar endeavours, good, bad and indifferent from others in my previous experiences, but now I have let these go in suspension for new progress. I am now committed to the new without ambiguity and confusion and with new sense of interest. My new experience is great for me, been feeling great, with a profound sense joy and Peace, many people in my area have been wonderfully receptive and supportive in the most loving way toward me. I'm so glad they feel safer and secure within themselves to continue to be there for me.
     Such an incredible profound sense of relief and letting go in love, a new sense of connectedness developing amongst us.
     This past Friday before the long weekend was very stressful and overwhelming for me and spilling only little into Saturday, now it's all good and well, the outdoor weather is fantastic right now, and I'm taking advantage as I can.
     I'm taking time away from painting to restructure to a more efficient working studio, this won't take long at all, maybe 2 or 3 days to get it well at most. Looking forward to painting 'cause I'm on fire again, newly inspired! I'm going to take up reading more regularly, it helps with my speaking with and relating, better sense, a friendlier sense of expression with others, my taking up public speaking may not be so necessary but still an option if I wish for it. Glad to be shedding some of my old self for the new. I have been very fortunate to have experienced an abundance of rich experiences my entire life and with more to come.
     Looking forward! and happy painting to all!
    NB; pardon my English Canadian language, for my French speaking side is still quite active including the richer culture that accompanies it so, a little more profound than English. "Je parle francais aussie, un peutie peux." Transl. I also speak a little French, with a better understanding over the speech, only because of lack of practice. At home was primarily English, schooling was absolutely French. The Native language here is even richer than these other 2! Thanks.
  • edited September 2019
    We have a Hot Air Balloon Festival happening this weekend, hope to catch it and get pics for possible oil paintings. We get most spectacular looking skies and cloud formations here at this time. August,  my most favourite month of the year in every year. Next month everything changes to the most colorful everywhere. Think in terms Appalachia and the Adirondack to be specific, in that neighborhood, more specifically I live in a central low valley section with 2 rivers and a man made canal including small locking stations, surrounded by small hills, very small mountains. Unfortunate the threat of certain insects is extremely high, and real unfamiliar territory, directly from our own front doors of our homes. I chose very, very carefully in "all" I do.
     Looking forward!
  • I wish I could make a deep and meaningful contribution to this thread. But it's difficult.  I guess my shallowness must be so profound it's almost deep but I'm not sure that artists feel things more deeply than others. Perhaps what they have is a deep need to express their feelings and, if they are lucky, also the time and patience, the work ethic and (eventually) the technique to do so. I guess that's what art is - a way of expressing, of communicating deep feelings in a way that resonates with non-artists.  Painting, writing, music, dance ...  I guess all art forms have the same goal.
  • edited September 2019
    Thanks @tassieguy , and you've hit the nail on the head perfectly. And we are not so shallow, each does their own amount of going within and digging according to each, in a rather true fashion as well. That's good enough and we are all really good enough, we really are enough just as we are always, this is all it takes and I believe that's all there is.
     For me in my unique life, it demanded me to dig deeper where many would not. I was also well coached and supervised by good professionals and very good non professionals very encouraging, from varied walks of life over a very long time, meaning my entire life. I am also the sole author that was inspired and took the initiative to seek until I found what I was looking for until I received. I was provided by the very best from around the world, right here where I live. Before the computer, I did it all on foot and by my own hands. Something about me already new that I was in deep trouble at age 8, and I was firmly committed to figuring it with a possibility of making it good again, someday. This further inspired me to start running away from home to seek what I was looking for. Lucky that we were so receptive to each other and all that was necessary was there in its place. Before any of this, I had been consistently ill, with unknowns until age 6, age 7 was recovery and strengthening no worries, I left my nest at age 8 to meet the rest of the world, by myself.
    I am just really grateful to be alive and well, to be here now and carry on. I am really happy to be painting again and quite engaged in it, bonus even better than ever for me personally. While I was consulting professionals and non professionals, I can compare it to "1001 Arabian Nights" whereby I experienced 1000 great nights, but only 1 bad one.

    Thank you for commenting, much appreciated. 
  • edited September 2019
    @Forgiveness -  I thought about this thread when I was watching this vlog by a well known woodworker (an artist in his own right) in the UK named Paul Sellers.
  • edited September 2019
    Nice! @HondoRW. I enjoyed this video quite a lot as I have so much in common with this person and his talents. I also enjoyed the comments he has received and the sense of comfort and confidence in watching. I'm keeping note of this. Blessings and
     Thank you.

  • as for the security of your personal space... you've unlocked your heart but you must lock your doors.
  • @Forgiveness, have you ever heard of CEN which stands for childhood emotional neglect?  Most people have not. Given your comments, you might benefit from a book called Running on Empty which deals with this most interesting and often ignored topic.  It is something I experience, and I am an INFP.  (I’ve taken the Meyers Briggs and other similar tests over a span of 20 years and it always comes out the same!). Anyway just thought I’d throw this topic out there in case you are interested. 
  • edited September 2019
    Thank you @Denise_S, welcome
     I came across CEN most recently and saved to my library but not listened nor read anything yet, it's now that time. I'm certain to find assistance in it.
     I'm quite surprised that many people have not heard much of anything that I study, learn and grow from, but quite happy with myself to carry on and grow.
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