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I find painting a very emotional experience a lot of the time. Mark says you should always paint your masterpiece, and that's what I believe too. I want to paint something beautiful that means something to me. But I just don't have the skills. That's the simple truth. I now have the THEORY/METHOD, thanks to Mark, but I struggle a lot.
Recently I sat in front of my painting and could not understand how I could possibly paint the hair on Lucia's right side even though I'd just done the hair on her left. I actually sat down and cried. Felt absolute despair. Sometimes I have to test colors about 30 times before I get the right value and hue. I don’t understand why it is so difficult for me. Surely other people don’t find it that difficult?
Anyway a friend recommended I read The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone which is the story of Michaelangelos' life. Agony and Ecstasy sound about right, but I'd like a bit more of the ecstasy. Do other people feel this way?
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The following is the sort if conversation I have with myself during every painting:
Why can't I get that cloud and that branch right? Surely anyone else would be able to get it right first time. I'm hopeless! I should never have got into painting. Or at least I should have known not to start this one .... Perhaps I should just open a bottle whisky. Or jump off a bridge.
No, Rob, take a deep breath. What's not right? Is it form, value or colour? What is wrong? Okay, form is off and it"s not dark enough under that branch. Scrape it off and do it again and come back to the cloud later. And on and on ...
This sort of crap goes on with every painting I do. But that's painting. It's agony. But when you get it right, finally, it's ecstasy. There's no easy way to do it. If there were, everyone would be doing it and paintings would be worthless. It's bloody hard work. Those who think they'll take up painting and quickly dash off a couple of masterpieces in their spare time, get disvovered by a talent scout and quickly make a fortune are living in la la land. And even if a developing artist gets taken on by a gallery and has a successful exhibition it would be folly for him or her to think they have it made. What they need to understand is that they have 50 years of hard work ahead of them and the highest prices their work will go for will be realised after they are dead.
I guess one has to be addicted to the agony and the ecstasy. The lows make the highs so special. But one has to be really committed to it to go on. Fortunately, because of DMP, we are not alone.
I’ve had people say to me “ oh, you must find painting soooo relaxing” I just tell them that it’s a lot of things and relaxing definitely isn’t one of them. Then they just look puzzled, LOL.
I envy those who find it relaxing. It may not be relaxing for me but it's certainly engaging. In retirement it sure beats gardening.